Trading Yesterday
by Rurucadooloo
Summary: Break wasn't always Break. He was once a man conquerred by his own grieve and guilt, now having to atone for his sins he needs to learn how take a step forward out of his past. But he didn't know that taking a step forward would cause him to bump into her
1. Prologue

**~Alright before you get discouraged by the word count I shall let you know that the up coming chapters will be much longer than this. Secondly I apologize for any OOC of characters especially Break. He's a tricky guy to portray but I'm trying my best. Let me know if I need work on improving characters and keeping any of them in character. I own no one from Pandora Heart. I only own my OC. Please read all through and see the bottom. I hope you enjoy this.**

**Oh and I almost forgot, the prologue is a major spoiler for chapter 42 of the manga. You have been warned xD~**

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Prologue

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_Emily will find a better place to fall asleep  
She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be  
The future haunts with memories that I could never have  
But hope is just a stranger wondering how it got too bad_

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He didn't know how it ended up like this.

How she was laying there in bed with him again.

She wasn't supposed to be in his life.

It was a one night thing.

She'd been drunk, he'd been lonely.

One night only.

Or was it he wasn't supposed to be in her life?

Yet there he was right beside her.

The darkness of the room hid the shapes that hid half way beneath the covers. Neither of them said a word to each other. There was not a single sound except for the aching silence that was broken by the ticking sound of the clock that pierced their ear drums and left a bleeding gash in their chests deeper than any words they could convey.

Her soft lips pressed gently against his closed eye. Once, twice. Then slowly, with her hand she brushed away the many strands of his white hair that hid his left eye and planted a softer kiss on the closed eyelid that hid the hole where his left eye should have been.

Her hands were placed on either side of his face as she made a trail of kisses that led down to his slightly parted lips. A small sigh escaped him at the taste of tears mixed with that sweetness he could never forget. She was taking it worse than he had expected. The affection he felt was filled more with sorrow than love. He didn't need to see to know that. He knew her to well to be tricked by her actions.

"Emily," the way her name rolled off his tongue was surprisingly gentle. It rarely happened, him using such delicate emotions such as care or affection. Was it because he was sad too?

"Xerxes," her voice unwavered as she answered to her name.

There she went again with her strong act. Most cases he would've poked at it and tried his hardest to make a woman like her snap, but now wasn't the time, not when he knew he had caused her heart ache-when he knew she was wasting tears on a dead man.

Reluctantly he pushed himself up with his elbows and sat up before the woman who was hovering over him not a second ago, "Emily…" He flicked her forehead and smiled a small smile. It was a little hard with the sorrow he felt but he managed to make it happen, "Silly woman, what will tears do you?"

Though he could imagine what her expression was, it obviously wasn't the same as watching it break out before him. It made him sad to know he wasn't able to see her face anymore. The way she talked, laughed, ate, slept. The way she walked or flipped her hair when she got was angry at him. He was going to miss being mesmerized by her whole being.

She was probably blushing right now glancing slightly away from him with annoyance glazed over her eyes. Annoyed by the fact that he was treating her like a little girl at such a crucial time. But what else was he going to do? He was never good with comfort; he never did know what to do when someone cried, especially if it was over him.

""I'm fine, Emily.

Her laugh caught him off guard. He stared right in the direction of where she was, hoping that his eye would catch hers. It wasn't a chuckle because she thought something was funny. It was one of those dry, chopped up, small under your breath, laugh to yourself while you thought of a painful thought.

"Do you ever wonder how we let it get this far?"

So she's wondering the same thing? Why did it feel like he was suddenly stabbed in the chest to know she was actually thinking such thoughts? Did she feel regret like him? Regret that she had opened her heart to the wrong person? It only seemed natural to regret. He was going to be leaving her soon but she would be left to deal with a broken heart while he slept away six feet under.

" The answer is obvious. I believe it's because we've claimed we love one another," he replied after a moment, a nonchalant expression in play. Sometimes he wondered how he'd fallen for such a woman, but then again he already knew the answer to that.

"Do you regret having anything to do with me?"

He fell backwards onto the bed and curled up beneath the blankets, "Why are you being so serious? You're scary when you talk so glumly, why don't we have some tea and cake, did Oz wheel out the cart? Hmmm we can get Liam to get us some sweets…"

For the first time in a long while it went deathly quiet between them with only the ticking sound of the clock. He didn't like it. Secretly it drove him crazy, but he didn't show it. Usually he would be greeted by her cute soft voice filled with anger because he had ignored her. This time she didn't say a word.

Finally after what seemed like hours he glanced up at her from his pillow and spoke what was gnawing at the back of his mind.

"Do you regret I ever saved you that night?"

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**~End of the prologue. Emily is my character. the stanza in the very begining thats in italic is from a song called love song requiem by Trading Yesterday, very beautiful song that fits Break quite well. Chapter one will be much longer and will of course start in the past, about 10 years before this. If you liked what you read please please please review and let me know. As I've said in my other author notes reviews motivate me to continue and love feed back. I hope you liked it and Thanks for reading!~**


	2. Chapter 1: Cherry Lips and A Smile

**Alright I'm terribly sorry for not updating in a long while. I've been to caught up with summer 3 lol I'm trying to update each of my stories one by one and decided to start with this one cause PH is my fav. So far. I really hope you enjoy the chapter and please read the bottom foot note. It explains some. Thanks. Please review and enjoy the story!**

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Trading Yesterday

Chapter one: Cherry Lips and a Smile

There's a mystery to what her love can do  
And she has a way of taking over you  
She can hold your heart with every move she makes  
But a single smile is really all it takes

He stared back into the mirror into the red eye in his reflection. His once long white hair was trimmed to his shoulders and in a way that could hide the scar of his past. It was just him. Alone. Not only in the room but in this cruel world that laughed at him. Mocked him for his selfishness.

He sighed and fixed his tie, making sure that it was in check. He hadn't prepared for a ball in such a long while that it left a heavy feeling in his gut. He didn't like the idea of attending something so…happy, but Madame Shelly had insisted he try it out just once. She'd told him she'd wanted him by her side. A little change would be good. Refreshing even.

A small smile pierced the expressionless face of his. He would go for his mistress. For the person who had shown him kindness and love. He would go despite the fact that he was clearly an outcast.

A few hours in the ball room wouldn't hurt.

Besides he needed to start knowing the people and families that the Rainsworth family had ties with. He grabbed his suit coat and slipped his arms into the sleeves. Tonight he was going to take the first step forward out of the past.

Taking one last glance at himself he made sure his hair was in place and buttoned his coat. After staring at himself for a minute he slowly turned and exited his room.

"Xerx-nii!"

He heard an all to familiar voice that belonged to a little girl call out to him. The pattering of her small feet told him she was running to catch up before he headed down the stairs to where the ball was held.

He stopped his pace and turned to face the child with long golden locks. He watched as she ran toward him in her pink night gown. He stared with a questioning eye. He knew she was to young to attend such occasions so what was she doing up and about?

"Xerx-nii!" she repeated his name once more as she heaved in a breath and glanced up at him with her violet eyes that have yet to be tainted by the outside world.

"Xerx-nii, Mother told me you don't like parties very much, but I really do hope you'll enjoy tonight!" she chirped with an innocent smile, "I want big brother to be happy!"

A small smile penetrated his apathetic expression and he gave her a pat on the head, "Thank you Sharon. I'll try my best." His words kind but still a bit distant.

Sharon nodded happy to hear him talking, "Well good night Xerx-nii, see you in the morning!" she gave him a wave with her small hand and turned and walked off back to her room leaving behind the white haired man standing in awe at what she had just done. His smile stayed playing on his pale lips as he watched after her with soft eyes. He promised himself he would have a good time for her.

The ball room was filled with chatter that belonged to guest of high status. The soft piano music played above the words of the people who had no time to stop and listen to the beautiful tune.

Each dressed in their finest attire, women giggled alongside men who tried to woe them. Each one mindlessly falling into their trap as they sipped on their drinks.

His wondering eyes caught sight of a group of three women standing close to each other with two looking his way. Two brunettes, twins. Each was prettied up and pampered, obviously proud of what their wealth has gotten them. Their hands were up to their mouths as their lips moved, whispering, gossiping to one another about the rumors that had spread among the families that contributed to the organization.

The two girls spotted him staring but didn't feel ashamed at being caught gossiping. Instead, one of them glanced over to the third girl and tried to grab her attention by pulling on her arm and nodded his way.

He rolled his eye about glance away when the third girl, pushed away the brunette and gave her a small scowl as both tried to fill her head with god knows what.

"Xerxes," a woman's gentle voice called out his causing him to change his attention from the bickering women to his mistress. He turned to the beautiful woman that was the mother of little Sharon.

"Madame Shelly," he stated in return and bowed his head in respect, "Thank you for allowing me to attend this occasion. "

She laughed softly her golden locks swaying to her head movement, "I'm glad you were able to attend it. I'm very pleased to have you here." Each word that passed through her faded pink lips was filled with acceptance and kindness.

What a beautiful woman she was. He gave her a polite smile and glanced to the dance floor, "You know I 'm only here because you asked me to be here."

"Yes…that may be the reason, but you still came here for me, that is enough to make me happy."

He stayed quiet not daring to acknowledge what she had said. It was better that way. Instead he grabbed two glasses of pure red wine from a servant that passed with a tray and handed her one, "Shouldn't you be greeting your other guests?"

She smiled a warm smile taking the glass, "I am doing just that."

He returned her smile with his own, this woman and her daughter really had a way to open someone's heart. Their kindness was something he thought he didn't deserve but they shared it with him anyways.

"Why don't you try talking to someone? It's always good to meet knew people," she suggested as she saw someone else approaching her.

He snickered under his breath at the suggestion and drank down the wine in one gulp, "They don't accept me like you or Sharon," not that he really wanted to be accepted. It was punishment from above due to the many sin he had to atone for. His red eye scanned the area one more time before walking off after he someone new began talking to the Madame.

After an hour of standing around and watching the guests he headed out for some fresh air. The balcony was a sanctuary away from the staring eyes. The cool summer night's breeze hit the skin on his pale face, sending his white locks out of his face for a brief moment.

Sighing he glanced down at his fifth glass of wine as he tilted the glass around in a circular motion, watching the dark red liquid twirl. _'What a boring party…'_ he thought to himself.

"It's so quiet out hear compared to inside," a soft, very feminine voice broke the silence that enveloped him. He turned to find a young woman talking to herself as she made her way out to the balcony.

Though he was surprised to see her, he made no expression that said such. The girl he had seen near the beginning of the party with the two girls who shamelessly stared at him blinked noticing his presence, "Oh. Guess someone's beaten me here…" she stated with a tint of sorrow in her voice.

"I was just leaving," Xerxes remarked taking hold of his cane and about ready to head out thinking that his presences intimidated the young lady. It was better he left before word got out that he had cause a woman to cry.

But the girl shook her head and frowned a little at his quickness to leave, "You don't have to go, I'm sure you rather stay out here than in their as well."

He blinked a little taken aback by her little comment. He placed a hand on the concrete railing and stared at her. Who was she?

She only smiled as she walked over to his side and leaned out on the railing. She was dressed in a dark maroon strapless dress that to his surprise wasn't as puffy and frilled like all the other dresses the women dressed to parties. The color went well with her olive color complexion. It was its simplicity that made it so elegant.

"I apologize for my younger sisters' rudeness earlier this evening," she piped up catching his eyes with hers, "They take from my mother. Gossip is what keeps them alive."

"I barely noticed," he simply replied placing the glass between his pale lips and let them soak in the red drink. Why should he care about a couple of kids talking about him? He'd learned to not pay attention to the whispers. She in return let out a soft giggle, "Of course~"

Then the silence filled the summer's night with nothing to hear except for the faint piano music and chatters from the ball room. Neither one minded the other's presence both just glad to be away from the noise, the people, the wandering eyes. It was like they were each standing alone, their minds in a far off world.

"Have you ever lost something dear to you?" she stated after a moment of staring out at the star lit skies. Her dark brown eyes gleamed like water's surface being penetrated by a rock. Though she smiled, though not a single tear made it down her face, she seemed to be crying.

He averted his eyes away from her and back to the sky, feeling another gust of wind hit them. He didn't know who this woman was, and he wasn't about to tell her something that had nothing to do with her.

"Oh sorry…how rude of me to ask something so personal," she apologized a hint of embarrassment in her voice. She turned and leaned her back a bit and pushed herself onto the ledge to sit. The metallic color of her dress gleamed as the light from inside hit against it. Her gaze went to the marble floor lost in thought.

In the two minutes that he had exchanged words with her he could tell that she was troubled by something. Apparently she had lost something important, that she was a thinker, maybe even a dreamer. That twinkle in her eyes that seemed to cry out for someone to listen to her, to save her, strangely intrigued him.

He sipped at his drink, not daring to look at her as she lost herself in thought.

"But…" her voice broke the silence again, she sounded a little confused or was it hurt? "When you know you can never get that thing back…you have to learn to just accept it…right?"

The white haired man's eye widened just a smidge at her words. Was this God's way of telling him that he really needed to move on from the past?

"Holding on to it will get you no where," he remarked with a sigh and leaned his back on the railing as he stared at the entrance to the balcony. The girl looked no bigger than eighteen, and rich, what was the worse that could've happened to her?

"Yes…I suppose you're right…I mean it did happen for a reason…" she gulped down her wine in less than a lady like manner and wiped the drops that had trickled down her chin with the tips of her finger, "My name is Emily Ashington by the way…pleased to meet you."

"Xerxes."

"I've never seen crimson eyes before…"she hiccupped, her red lips curving into a warm smile, "They're very pretty though."

"Hmp…they say those who have red eyes will attract misfortune…" he grinned a little closing his eyes.

"And would you agree to what those people say?"

He shrugged his eyes remained closed, losing himself in thought till he felt something-her fingers lace through his white locks. His eyelid jolted open and saw the woman known as Emily fiddling with his hair, that warm smile never leaving her, "I wouldn't say everything that's attracted to you is unfortunate."

To his surprise he felt his cheeks begin to warm up a bit at what her statement suggested. The red eyed man fell into her gaze trying to figure out what was storming in those brown irises of hers. Sadness, passion, sympathy-what was it that made her eyes look so confusing- so captivating?

Her cherry red lips shaped into a sorry as she pulled away, a small frown falling onto her heart-shaped face as she averted her eyes back to the white tiled floors, her legs fidgeted closer together as she sat on the edge. "Sorry…how rude of me…" her hands twitched in her lap.

"It's alright," his gloved hand gently touched hers before grasping it in a gentleman like manner helping her down from where she sat, "Thank you for the delightful chat," he gave her a small smile, "it's made my night."

The white haired Xerxes couldn't help but find truth in the words he barely whispered to the maiden before him. The summer breeze brushed pass them causing the loose strands of Emily's black hair flutter as she returned the complement.

"I'm the one that should be thanking you," she remarked placing a strand behind her ear and gave a small curtsy, "You're a very good listener. Even to a stranger."

He gave her a bow, "What can I say?" he smiled ever so slightly, "You're quite a person."

To his surprise she let out a tinker bell laugh and watched her as she attempted to contain herself, "Well…I'm glad someone thinks so."

"Why would people think other wise?"

"A wild spirit can't be tamed, only broken," she answered her eyes yet again washing over to sorrow.

_'So she's had her freedom taken away?_' he the questioned to himself. The young woman before him began to turn to take her leave thinking the silence was her cue to go. Suddenly he couldn't let her go.

Was it because he did not want to be left alone? No he didn't care about that. She'd just sparked his interest and now he wanted to finish the riddle.

"Would you rather take a walk instead of go back into that room of vultures?" he piped up and hoped that she would accept the offer.

The black haired maiden turned to face him again, a gentle smile penetrated her lips, "I would very much enjoy a walk, just give me a moment though…I must get another glass of wine."

He twined his fingers through his snow white hair and leaned his back against the stone railing, "I'll be waiting right here."

She nodded her tied up hair bouncing to the movement and left to get the red liquid that slowly made her forget about the unavoidable future that laid ahead of her.

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**I really hope you liked it, I know Break may seem a bit different than how he is in the anime, but they did say he wasn't his awesome self when he first came out of his abyss. This is him as he progress is out of depression nd takes a step to his new life. And this is how I think he would've been acting. Hopefully I'll update soon thanks for reading and please please review!**


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